2.4 What Happens in a Conflict?

We have already said that individuals enter into a collaborative team with their own roles, scope and accountability, values, experiences, and expectations. Understanding one’s own reaction and style of approach to conflict is an essential first step toward conflict transformation.

In response to conflict, our bodies and minds respond instinctively. This is usually understood as the ‘fight-or-flight’ response. Contemporary research has shown that the ‘fight-or-flight’ response to stress is not necessarily the automatic response for some people. Women more commonly respond with ‘calm-and-connect’ (23). When under threat, they respond by seeking connective relationships, linking and bonding with others, and exhibiting calming behaviors (23).

We invite you to explore your automatic and physiologic responses to conflict. Developing awareness will help you develop a deep understanding of your influence on conflict and your feelings about conflict. The emotions that you demonstrate in conflict may cause you to feel like you have lost respect, dignity, agency, confidence, or even ability. Your physiological responses to conflict may cause you to lose your sense of control, safety, or capabilities. The feelings you have about your reaction to conflict have a long-lasting impact on how you feel about the conflict itself.

In a conflict situation, your emotional responses may include anger, sadness, or calmness, just to name a few. Think of a word that best describes your emotional reaction to conflict and write it down.


Next, explore your physiological response to conflict. Some people feel a dry mouth and others feel knots in their stomach. Write down a word (or expression) that describes your physiologic response to conflict.