3.6 Video: What to Do When Nothing Else Works

"Nothing gives one person so much advantage over another as to remain always cool and unruffled under all circumstances." - Thomas Jefferson

Some primary healthcare workers feel that avoidance is an effective tool for addressing (or, in this case, not addressing) conflict. Some forms of conflict avoidance are actually active steps towards conflict transformation. Avoidance can be used in a conflict situation if it improves communication and contributes to a smooth and open discussion. Avoidance should be a conscious choice and not a result of a reaction to a conflict situation.

At other times you may need to employ strategies that are a bit edgy. In this video Roy Johnson demonstrates strategies to use when nothing else seems to be working.

Video

Video summary:

Assuming you have used your collaborative tools to try to resolve and get out of a conflict situation, the following tips and tricks are more edgy tools:

    1. The "Wow" Acknowledgement. In some circumstances, when something happens that’s particularly negative, a simple “Wow” can have impact. It says, “That’s something really interesting that was said.”

    2. Perspective Pairing. Restate what you’ve understood their perspective to be, and compare it directly to your perspective. It sounds like, “Oh, ok. So, from your perspective, that went really smoothly. On my end, that was very difficult.” This keeps defensiveness low – without using “but” or “however”.

    3. Discrepancy Confrontations. Say something you’ve understood as important to the person – a value or a belief that they have – in words that they have used when articulating it. Then, say something they’re doing that’s incompatible with that.

    4. Boundary-setting. Setting a boundary might sound like, “You know, if you’re going to use language like that, I’m going to have to leave this discussion.” They’ll likely continue using language like that and you’re going to have to leave the discussion.

    5. Negative Questions. These sound like, “Ok, so what else am I doing wrong here?” They’ll tell you. Your strategy is to get them to hear themselves. “Ok, and what else?” And they’ll tell you. And you may need to ask a third time. “Ok, I’ll do a quick summary. So I did this wrong, I did this wrong. What else am I doing wrong?” Usually by this time they back off. Sometimes, you may need the ultimate negative question: “Was there anything there that I did right?”